I ended up in circumstances I never would have had anything to do with before! Life became dark for me, and my despair was stronger than ever. It scared me to realize that I was moving in a direction so far away from the person I wanted to be.
As a child, I grew up in a secure and open home, with parents who were always there and attentive. My mother sang a children’s prayer for me each night, “Thank you God for all that’s good. Thanks for all you’ve given me.” I was baptized, confirmed, and attended Sunday School in the state church [of Norway]. I prayed to God and dreamed of living in His paradise, the way I viewed it in my child’s eye.
When I became a teenager, however, I was just like any other young person: curious, adventurous, headstrong, and selfish. Not much could penetrate my constant state of opposition. I had many friends, enjoyed school, and never felt like I lacked anything at home. Nevertheless, when I thought about society and the times we live in, I would sometimes feel a profound emptiness, loneliness, and despair, as if I did not belong anyplace. I often wondered whether I had been born in the wrong time, or whether it was the time we live in that had led me astray! And why couldn’t people manage to put right the wrongs and injustices that were so prevalent?
I asked the people around me at school many questions – questions of why: Why is there poverty? Why hunger? War? Why didn’t we have more to give? Are we so cynical that we give up and don’t care? I believed there was a God, but where was He in this world? Had He forsaken us, or had we forsaken Him?
I believed there was a God, but where was He in this world? Had He forsaken us, or had we forsaken Him?
I often cried when I was alone
Nevertheless, life went on, and I lived arrogantly thinking that I could manage things quite well at school, at work, and in society. I had strong opinions about how things ought to be, and enjoyed discussing and questioning the things we learned at school or in the media. However, the emptiness and frustration always returned; I often cried when I was alone, and felt that life lacked meaning. Why couldn’t I just settle down and live my life?
When I was 19, I moved to another city to study and gain some new experiences. I decided not to cry anymore, and I filled my ears and time with music to avoid the troubling thoughts and feelings.
After a while, the inner restlessness stopped, but with it, the inner voice and conscience disappeared as well. As a result, I got into some bad situations and I ended up in circumstances I never would have had anything to do with before! Life became dark for me, and my despair was stronger than ever. It scared me to realize that I was moving in a direction so far away from the person I wanted to be.
It scared me to realize that I was moving in a direction so far away from the person I wanted to be.
I cut off all contact with my friends, went on long walks alone by the sea, and searched deep within to find myself again and the life I wanted to live. I knew I had to turn my life around completely, but I didn’t know how…
I have denied Jesus
... until one night, I had a powerful dream. I dreamt I was in a broken down, old stone church. Everything was grey, and there was uneasiness among the people around me. The ground beneath us began to shake, and fear started to grip of me. I felt strong vibrations, strong winds blew against my body, and I was thrown down to the ground with the other people. It was as though we were glued kneeling on the floor, unable to stand against the violent shaking. Behind me, an older woman whispered that Jesus was coming. I struggled again and again to lift my head to look… As the heavy doors behind us opened, I threw back my head and saw part of a hand and a robe. “That can’t be Him!?” I thought, and the door slammed shut again. “Hush! He will return after three days,” the woman whispered.
“I have denied Jesus!” The words burned in my mind as I awoke in terror! This was no ordinary dream. My body was paralyzed and exhausted from the struggle that had taken place within me.
What did they have?
Just a few days later, a good friend of mine from high school contacted me. She had heard that I lived in Tønsberg, and she invited me to Brunstad, where she was volunteering for one year together with 400 young people from all over the world. There, I met young people who radiated genuine goodness, joy, and purity when they were together – which drew me.
There, I met young people who radiated genuine goodness, joy, and purity when they were together – which drew me.
I had never experienced anything like this before! Once again I sensed this incredible longing in my heart. What was it that they had? My friend explained simply, “Everyday we work on becoming better people.” She continued by telling about resisting the spirit of the times – instead of being driven by it. I needed this! I wanted this!
To begin with, I was skeptical of belonging to a group or a church, so for a year I read the Bible by myself and all the literature I could get my hands on. No one dragged me to meetings, but I was so gripped and my heart burned so much to hear and learn more, that I sensed that I had to be among believers. Therefore, I wanted out more and more to be together with the people that I knew from Brunstad Christian Church, and to attend the meetings. Not knowing what the future would hold, I sensed an incredible joy! This is where I wanted to be – this is where I belonged!
My longing was transformed as I learned more and more about how I could be liberated from my selfishness, unthankfulness, evil thoughts, jealousy, stinginess and come to more love, more patience, more thankfulness; to God’s own nature! It is impossible for me to change the whole world, but I can use each day unto salvation, and I can become transformed!
It is impossible for me to change the whole world, but I can use each day unto salvation, and I can become transformed!
On the way, I experienced that life is also a battle, and in the beginning there were many defeats. Waves of sorrow and accusation that overwhelmed me in the evenings brought me into darkness and distress. The people I saw around me, from whom godly life emanated, became my greatest hope that it was also possible for me to attain a victorious life. A life that God is able to use for His service on earth – nothing is greater than that! And even though I saw myself as totally unworthy of this life, there was a deep need in my heart that I would one day be allowed to dry the tears of all those who have suffered because of other people’s evil and sin.
Experienced that God’s Word is true!
Today I see that there has been a great grace over my life. God has brought people to me and arranged circumstances the whole way, so that I could come to this life. My continued development depends solely on my own faithfulness to act on the truths I have received. He knows what I need, and He gives it to me.
I am extremely grateful for all the words of faith that have strengthened me and driven me forward on the way of faith. Both in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, in times of poverty and in times of overflowing blessing, I have always experienced that God’s Word is true!—it brings incredible riches in all things!
I, who have despaired over society, the times, and the world, have now come to experience fellowship in faith with friends all over the world! God has blessed me richly in every way.
When in God’s hands then all is as it should be! When I believe that, then all unrest falls away, and it is impossible to not be happy!